Saying good-bye

Sunday the 11th of July was a bad day for me. I went to the funeral of a 12yr old boy by the name of Jimmy J. Poe. :-(

I have been to my share of funerals already, and had close friends pass on from time to time. It sucks for me, because I am left behind, missing my friend or family member. I only grieve for a short time for the person who has died, never even shedding a tear in the doing, but more of an internal loss. I believe death is a natural part of life, and we all have to go sometime. What we make of our lives in the now, will speak for us when we are gone. For each of the friends I have lost in the past, in a way I am happy for them, because they are no longer in pain. Debt is no longer an issue, and they are free of the restraints of the human condition. No, I don't mourn their life I remember there time hear in it. The way a smile crossed their face, a laugh, an embarrassment done to them or by them. I remember the good times I have had. Don't get me wrong. I would rather have my friends around so we could continue living in our own way, but I don't stay sad for the departure of their mortal bodies. I have been called unfeeling, and false friend, because of this lack of show for the departed, but say a week goes bye and these same people who criticised me are asking for my help in dealing with their pain. Go figure.
This time was different for me for some reason. I was fine, until Joyce came up to her son with a football in her hands.

A football I had given to Jimmy. See Jimmy wanted desperately to join the football team of his school, but he had been late in getting his major growth spurt. He was about a head shorter than all the other kids his age. A natural leader just the same, so being he naturally wanted the Quarterback position. The man in charge on the field. So when He finally got his long sought after growth spurt, about 6in he got the go ahead to play. A couple years back, I had gotten him a football, and tossed it around with him, basically coaching him on the finer points of throwing a football. Got to say I make quite a hit around my neighborhood with the kids, being an adult that actually plays and teaches the kids without telling them to do things this way or that, but showing by example. Just two weeks prior I had been helping Jimmy with touch passing and the bomb. A fond memory...

As Joyce stepped up to the microphone, ball in hand she looked straight at me. Holding up the football so all could see. She told the gathered people that she is placing the ball with her Jimmy, because he never went to sleep with out it. Often telling Joyce that he wanted to grow up to be just like Mr. Adams (me),and he wished she would have married Mr. Adams instead. It was such an unexpected revelation, I had tears flowing freely down my face. I was in shock Jimmy felt that strongly, but as i looked around the room I noticed a lot of the kids nodding, and talking to their Moms in an excited state, while kind of pointing at me.

As I looked over the room, I was shocked once more. My eyes met those of Jim the step-Dad of the deceased, and the man responsible for his death. Surrounded by police on either side of him, and in chains he glared at me with open hate. Now I see, he was jealous of the affection Jimmy held for me. Maybe inadvertently I caused this terrible day to unfold. As the thought crossed my mind, it was just as quickly dismissed. If Jim had been more of a father figure to begin with Jimmy would not have looked anywhere else. I am not going to feel guilty, because this man can't look passed his own needs to see to the need of his family. I don't know what kind of look I gave in return to Jim, but the police suddenly put themselves between him and I. Quickly ushering him out of the funeral, with a look of absolute fear and sweat on the man's face. As far as I know I never moved. All I did was look at the man, and wonder why he was aloud to be there in the first place.

So a first for me, I cried at a funeral, and was shocked and angered too. I am not usually to worked up or emotional after a funeral, but this time was different. I was warned by a very good friend of mine I would be, but I kind of dismissed the idea, because it hadn't happened before. She was so right this time around. I probably should have gone and seen my friend after all was said and done, but why burden my friend with this. No, I am not going to ruin what might be a good day for my friends with my depressing mood. I'll be okay, I always am, I ahve my writing to distract.

GOOD-BYE Jimmy! You are my friend, you will be missed.